happiness is a rainy day in seattle...

complimented by pearl bailey on pandora, to boot. i know i am biased in judgement, but seattle really is a beautiful city, and the rainy, overcast weather only enhances it. i am sure this seems counterintuitive, but 3 million people happen to agree with me, so, you know. shut up. not to mention the fact that i, lazy mclazerson, regularly shun the bus ride, actually prefering the forty minute walk into downtown instead. that's gotta count for something.

anyway, it's been a while and i thought i'd update you a bit. working with dd adults is pretty fantastic. i went in expecting a relatively sober work environment; that i would just go in, make food, clean house, wipe a couple butts and then head out. in a marvelous twist of fate however, it is nothing so boring or detached. my coworkers are insane and the clients are easily the most endearing people i've met in a long time. some of the daily antics include harassing the clients with squirt guns, impromptu dance parties to "this is why i'm hot", and my personal favorite: making fart noises and blaming the residents. there is a method to the madness - the clients end up laughing so much, they forget to be resistant to what we're asking them to do. it's genius, and i am really stoked to be there.

it doesn't pay well, which is the only drag. my well-meaning mother casually drops the college bomb everytime we chat. i imagine she would be wringing her hands if she didn't need one of them to hold the phone. and i totally get it. it would be nice to not worry about money. but unfortunately, the things i want to do with my life don't come equipped with a pension plan or stock options. as wincing and trite as it may be, i'd rather be happy than rich. and so...it's taken me years to settle on it, but it's become increasingly clear that my compass has been gravitating toward writing for some time now, and i'm finally beginning to accept that the literary world just might be where i belong. boldly going where so many have gone before, i am prepared to embrace sleep and social deprivation as a means to a hopefully famous and profitable end. or at the very least, an anonymous but accomplished end. we'll see how it goes, but you heard it here first. the great selenie is going to build the next great literary empire or die trying. in that regard - i've created a different blog for more, uh, i guess thoughtful? writing and not the flippant slop i usually post here. you can take a gander if ye wish: aminorempire.blogspot.com it's probably rubbish, don't say i didn't warn ya.

with that, i leave you your found item of the day: glorious.

i would follow her anywhere.

there are many times when i question my inner gay. for instance, when the adorable will bailey from the west wing look-a-like security guard walks by me at the library, i feel my face go hot and i involuntarily smile like a stupid school girl. or when i feel that annoying and irrepressible dull ache in my heart everytime i think of a certain boy, whose name will go unmentioned here. or the fact that after 19 years, i still swoon at the sight of george clooney. these are all times when i certainly think to myself, nope. not really gay. but then this, this, comes along, and i become an ambiguously gay loner all over again.

because although it features another love of mine, john krasinski, it is allison janney and allison janney alone that stands out. she will have a piece of my heart forever, and i'm not the least bit ashamed.

when it rains, it pours...

or sprinkles. or tinkles. if you happen to prefer a golden shower. i don't know what i'm saying. this is the worst game of word association i've ever played.

ahem. what i was failing to get at is that i have a job! yes, lincoln park group home called me at an incredibly indecent hour this morning (ten am. the nerve.) and informed me that i had won over their hearts and minds, and that they'd like me to start training for the job on monday! naturally, i played it cool and aloof, as one who's been desperately seeking employment for the last month ought to. and by playing it cool, i mean i thanked them profusely and then immediately called my mother.

and as luck would have it, both starbucks and a youth agency called this afternoon asking to set up interviews (hence the poorly executed idiom of raining and pouring). frankly, this is the kind of behavior i've come to expect from you, starbucks. you're just like a man. only wanting what you can't have. well, i won't stand for it, starbucks. i just won't. you hear me? i...what's that? you're sorry? well, i suppose i could give forgive you. i'll call you back later. yes. yes. i love you too.

hey. don't look at me like that, reader. may i remind you that i don't really have any friends here and that it might be nice to actually work around people who are near my age? and by near my age, i mean, people who go to college parties because they still shoulder tap and are not past their prime like some short mexican chick i know. sigh. i suppose all things will come together eventually. at least the proverbial job duck has gotten into its place in the row. i am supremely grateful for that.

especially since having money means i get to do more fun things like last night's found show. oh, man, the awesome. i am not sure if i mentioned it in the last blog, but davy's hot. and his brother peter is even hotter. and a totally talented singer. i was in heaven. not to mention, i totally popped lawren's found magazine cherry. he is now a convert, totally inspired to pick up random discarded things, and for that, i can only feel a motherly pride.

with that, i leave you, your found item of the day:



i love it. so much.

and the hunt is on...

i had an interview this morning for that job working with dd adults. i felt that it went pretty well and they had me fill out a lot of forms as if i got the job which is always a good sign. however, they are still interviewing others and will let me know officially in the next few days. keep your fingers crossed. even though the hours of 2 - 10 pm, thursday through monday, totally interfere with my primarily fictitious social life, i'll take it since the timely payment of rent is apparently non-negotiable.

in the meantime, in alignment with my rigorous schedule of DOING NOTHING, i've continued to devour books from the library. my obsession has begun to border on unhealthy and once even crossed the line with its toe, particularly that time when i read david nicholls' 400 page a question of attraction in one solid, solitary afternoon. in my defense, the man is witty as all get out. really, he should be punished for such piquant writing. i'd see to it myself if he weren't all the way in london, and if i weren't so lazy and distractable. plus i'm a pacifist at heart. or a sissy. as it were.

no matter, i have other things to keep me occupied. tonight, in an effort to reconnect with actual humans, i have cajoled lawren into going to see davy rothbart from found magazine at the crocodile cafe. (as a side note, for those loyal readers who may fear i frequently bully lawren into doing things he may not want to, all i can say is mind your own beeswax, ramona. besides, peer pressure is good for you. builds character.) i caught the last bit of davy's show at the northwest folk music festival, and rest assured dear friends, that man is a funny mother fucker. and hot. funny, and hot. such an amazing combination. not to mention he created the voyeuristic pleasuretown of found magazine, which i can clearly and unmistakably assume he did so simply as a ruse to meet me. i mean, what other plausible explanation could there be, right? right. i'm glad you agree.

in that plucky and optimistic spirit, i leave you with your found item of the day:



oooh. burn...

flim, flam, thank you ma'am.

by far, my favorite sound in music (and perhaps the universe at large) is the flam. what is the flam, you ask? well, if you pipe down and let me talk free of your insouciant, devil-may-care interruptions, i'll get on with it, ok?

a flam, for the uninformed, is a drum rudiment in which the snare is struck with both hands almost simultaneously, one stick striking slightly harder than the other. it is brilliantly executed on a from monument to masses' song, the first five, off of "on little known frequencies". the entire album is flawless, of course, and i'm not saying that just because i'm currently obsessed with them. or maybe i am. still, you'd be doing yourself a world of good if you ran out and got yourself a copy of this gem.

and due to my current state of funemployment, there are a great many more recommendations from the great selenie files which include the following:

1. wicked by gregory maguire. as with all things massively popular, i was skeptical and unwilling to even approach this book. at the risk of seeming incredibly snobbish, it is virtually impossible to underestimate the stupidity and lack of taste in other people. nonetheless, i got over myself and put a hold on this book at the library. and now having read it, i can only be grateful. it is well written, funny and poignant all at once. kind of like my blogs, right? RIGHT?!? that's what i thought.

2. pinky and the brain. i know what you're thinking. isn't that a children's cartoon, when is she going to grow up, she's twenty nine for god's sake? i have no counter argument. all i can say is that this show was genius and well ahead of its time. think of it as a classier, more linear version of family guy. and if you rent it and hate it, well, you have no soul and should be ashamed. there. i said it.

3. wait, wait, don't tell me. ah, yes. npr. here's my chance to redeem myself with something elegant and refined. except for the part that it's probably the least refined segment on npr which makes it defacto my favorite part. i would move to utah, become mormon and marry both peter sagal and carl kasell if i could. hey. i think i'm onto something. or on something. that would make more sense. if it were true. which it isn't. what? shut up. go to your puny little library and check out the best of series of the show. go on. scram.

with that, i leave you your found item of the day:

swoon.

quitters never win...

but i bet they're a whole lot happier. i know i am.

yes, today, i was a quitter. a quit, quit, quit, quit, quitter. and while the thrill of walking away from quite possibly the worst job i've ever had is beginning to wear off and reality is beginning to settle in that i am once again jobless, it still beats having to stand on the street, harassing people for money like a common hooker. although save the children truly is a fantastic organization, canvassing this past week made me feel disingenuous and smarmy, not to mention really made me start to hate people, and that's not me. i like people. i want to help people, not hate them. so while quitting makes me feel like, well, a loser, at least that's a feeling i'm well versed in.

and i'm not a complete idiot. i was still applying for other positions, and i have an interview next tuesday to work with developmentally disabled adults. that is definitely something i can get behind, so hopefully they choose me cause i know i'd really love it. and i've got another interview to work for a pet store, which of course would be totally awesome. so i'm not going to worry. i'm through with panic - the universe will find a way for me, i know it.

in the meantime, there's a free show at the comet tavern tonight with some local bands, and i'm going to harrangue lawren until he agrees to accompany me. or hangs up on me. whichever happens first. with that i leave you your found item of the day:



awesome.