hypothermia may not be so hyperbolic.

so i know i said i'd be writing more frequently. obviously, i'm a liar, and my pants are on fire. don't look at me like that, blog reader. you knew what this was.

that said, there is really no excuse for my lack of internet correspondence. i've had plenty of time to get down to it, what with being funemployed for the last month or so. but apparently a mystery science theater 3000 marathon proved too tempting for me to resist. i'm weak. we know this. fortunately however, my netflix instant queue joyride will come to a crashing halt next monday when i start as an on-call medical assistant at holly park clinic. after tomorrow's bountiful eating and drink fest with greg and his friends, i will have to break out all my notes on child immunizations and proper sterile technique so that i may once and for all prove to be not such a bad deal for society. or at the very least, not get fired. wish me luck.

in other wish me luck news, i'm attempting to make this for friendsgiving, and i admit, i'll probably be sauced during the entire affair. but you can't really blame me - it's snowing outside and like ten degrees in our apartment. for the past three days, i've been wearing long johns, tripling on jackets and socks whilst donning scarves and mittens. INSIDE THE HOUSE (which is where the call is coming from? what? i don't know what i'm saying.) not to mention, greg started making spiced rum cider and he is a persuasive fellow, let me tell you. sure, you might be saying, "since when do you need persuading, selena?". to which i respond with a classic liz lemon eye roll and a request to pass the sailor jerry hither, if you please.

the upside of the cold however, is that it makes it feel more christmas-ey, which in turn always triggers memories of holidays past - and a reminder to be thankful for the things i have and the ones i love. i hope that you all feel similarly blessed in your lives. here's your found item of the day:

yes, yes. that's a very nice sentiment. now, if you'll excuse me, poops, i have pumpkin that needs puree-ing and cider that needs drinking.

i'm obsessed with veins.

it's true. this is what pima medical institute has done to me. five months of practicing the fine art of palpating and stabbing median cubital veins has turned me into some sort of deranged and shallow monster. i mean, the shallow part is nothing new, but i've certainly kicked up the oddness factor. seriously, i'll be checking out some cute guy and think to myself, "now, HE'S got nice veins! i'd like to CBC that! maybe throw a little pro thrombin time test in there, yeah baby!". obviously, i'm not well.

fortunately however, school is finally over, and i will soon get to put my deviant obsession to good use. but sadly not today, though i do understand. the first day of externship naturally mandates defining the pecking order, and the hours of orientation paperwork and grunt filing gently demonstrated that i am last in it. but i suppose it's good for me. it'll help build the character i so desperately lack, as will the externship site itself. working at the international district community health center, i am a lone mexican in a sea of asian women. all of whom are way skinnier than me and talk in several languages i cannot understand. the upside of course is that i'm slightly taller than at least a handful of them and thus, i am slightly more smug. which i suppose neutralizes some of the character building i was aiming for, but i accept the loss willingly.

overall, i'm pretty stoked on where things are in life right now. there's been some adjustments i've had to make lately, and i miss my friends both from home and from school. but as my second favorite minnesotan says, "it's a good day to face the hard things...each day i will try to do better, right now is where i guess i belong." (and yes, gina, that makes you my first favorite minnesotan.)

now that i have some actual breathing room, expect more disjointed rantings here in the future! huzzah! with that i leave you, your found item of the day:



true that.

ch-ch-changes...

oh, david bowie. how you speak to me.

and my current situation, which, in case you missed my subtlety, is changing. i finally got confirmation on that job offer, and put in my two weeks notice at the group home on thursday. unfortunately, my boss has been on vacation and will not get my letter until tomorrow. not. anticipating. a. good. reaction. lately she's been even more of a hot mess than her usual angry self, and this may push her over the edge. naturally, i don't want to be responsible for that, but i can't stay there. especially when my new boss is the complete opposite of her, aka, totally well adjusted and overall AWESOME! seriously, she rules. still, it's gonna be hard to leave the residents. especially since my new residents will not be dd, but rather just old and curmudgeony. but i suppose curmudgeons need love too, so...you know...i'll be nice...i guess.

in other news, my family's visit went by at light speed. how quickly time flies when you have no obligations except to eat well, drink lots and be totally pampered by your mommy. and despite the guilty weight of sheer indulgence this weekend, i needed that break desperately. school found a way to kick up the wild factor by throwing us med assistant students into the deep end of the venipuncture pool. that's right. injections and blood draws. on each other. with scant instruction. jealous much? you should be.

actually, despite the surreal nature of lab class, it's been pretty cool to know that i will someday be competent enough to actually perform these procedures in a hospital setting. provided i don't fail my lecture class. which demands that i stop dilly dallying and get back to the cardiology packet due tomorrow. so stop distracting me. please. i'm trying to make something of myself here, and i don't need your constant nay-saying, blog reader. if that even is your real name.

here's your found item of the day:

hey buddy. i'm totally your gal. minus the athletic part.

older? yes. wiser? not so much.

so some of you may be wondering how it feels to be thirty. i'll tell ya. it feels just like any other age except now when i find someone attractive who happens to be in their early twenties it makes me feel even sleazier than i did a mere 2 weeks ago. i know that age is just a number but when you categorically belong in different decades, it's a little tougher to justify the shameless oggling that i am so fond of. eh. you win some. you lose some.

all in all, my birthday was pretty solid. annie and charlie drove up from portland to join in the festivities. this naturally made me feel like a total princess and totally loved and totally grateful to have such wonderful people as friends. and aside from the tequila-induced crying session and round of hey-everyone-shut-up-and-listen-to-this-song-and-my-explanation-of-its-genius thing that occurred in the latter evening, i consider the day a win.

other things to be placed in the win category:

- i snagged myself a fancy job offer at another group home. the hours are a little less, the pay is a little more and i'd finally have my weekends back! siz-weet! the only thing i am waiting on is for my nursing assistant registration to go through. unfortunately, the department of health is taking FOREVER to process, and their customer service department is what i genuinely envision hell to be like, so here i sit in bureaucratic purgatory. anxious and not-the-least-bit-awesome bureaucratic purgatory.
- memorial day will surely compensate however. my mom and sister are coming to visit seattle for the first time ever and i'm super stoked to show them around. alas, alack. i'm facing difficulty in pinpointing places of interest to show them that don't include bars or some form of drinking. they already think i'm a lush - and while i generally skew in that direction (killian's red is on sale at the corner market! score!), i'd rather they didn't think so.
- my santa rosan friends on the other hand better prepare themselves! i touchdown in the early evening of july 2nd and don't leave til the later evening on july 5th! there will be plenty of partying down going on, and i couldn't be happier! alcoholism aside, i really just can't wait to see everyone. it's hard to be so far away - but i do love it here.still, everyone needs to get away sometimes, so i am insanely excited. it's gonna be boss. i can't wait!

hope all is well in your world! my sister beth found this found item on the streets of amsterdam - i love it.

when it's cold outside, i've got the month of may...

unless of course you're in seattle, 'cause we don't subscribe to the temptations or their crazy propaganda here! nosiree, bob! that said, may is still my favorite month of the year. sure, november's got thanksgiving and december's got that minor holiday for that guy who knew magic tricks (what? too much?), but may, MAY! has cinco de mayo, mother's day, memorial day weekend, AND george clooney's birthday! oh. and janell's. and sharon's. and andy's. but they don't really count. (LOOVVVEE YOUUUU!)

and believe it or not, may also has my birthday. despite my valiant attempts to start the rumor that i was not born but rather spawned off the coast of mexico, i feel i must now 'fess up to the truth that i came from a woman's womb, just like everyone else. how pathetic.

i generally spend my birthday attempting to drink myself into oblivion, and this year, on the thirtieth anniversary of the day god forgot, i will strive to be no different. i suppose some would say that because it's the big three-oh, i should try to demonstrate restraint, but liver-decimating debauchery has worked out pretty well for me thus far, so why mess with a good thing?

still, i must admit i've been feeling slightly mid-life crisis-ey lately. i learned recently that the body automatically starts to decline around 28, and being two years out from there is not helping to soothe my currently rampaging biological clock. i mean, seriously. it is out. of. control. i babysit two insanely adorable two year old twin boys weekly, and when we go to the park and see all the families, it is downright torturous. my heart practically falls out of my chest when they run to hug me after they've shown the slide who's boss. but here's the kicker: MY BRAIN AND I DON'T WANT A CHILD! and i definitely don't want to push one out! so it's not like i'm out there trolling for seed or anything. but my body's in denial like a has-been football player saying, "put me in coach! i know i can do it!" after twenty nine years, my body's become brett farve. this is what it's come to. sigh. somebody pass the tequila.

here's your found item of the day: classy.

forgive me sun...

for thinking your presence today would signal the beginning of shorts and t-shirts season. clearly, the goosebumps and lip chattering were evidence that i was sorely mistaken. i guess this means my aspirations to become the greatest meteorologist of our time may have been a bit misguided. pity.

not that i have the time to pursue such a rip roaring endeavor in the first place. my schedule continues to be insane with little time to myself, hence the absence of witty witticisms usually displayed here. but absent no more! tonight! tonight, i give the people what they want! (but selena, no one asked you to writ- SILENCE! i will not tolerate your insolence!) ahem.

other than studying medical insurance and coding for the last two weeks (with another three ahead of me), school's been pretty kick ass. i'm finally starting to make friends with my classmates and i didn't even have to pay them, so that's a win. turns out they like drinking just as much as i do, and as we all know, nothing says lasting friendship like being wasted and declaring friends forever with people you've known for two months. seriously though, it's been a pretty great experience and in particular, i feel as though i've found a kindred spirit in my classmate lauren. sweet as a button and a fellow lover of arrested development, she totally meets the santa rosa gold standard.

speaking of which, holy crap, it's still surreal that i left. seems like just yesterday i was attempting to load up the budget truck, fighting off an insane hangover from the whiskydrunk mustache bash, while being plagued by bouts of intermittent crying. and now here i am, in a new city, fighting off insane hangovers from drinking with greg, still being plagued by bouts of intermittent crying. how the world turns, my friends. how the world turns.

anyway, i have more to say, but it's late and you've done your duty by reading thus far, so i'll pause for now. here is your found item of the day: how i long, LONG to meet this guy...

clean up your mess or santa will cancel christmas.

this is the new parenting approach i am taking to the children i did not push out of my womb but still have minimal responsibility for as the sunday morning church nursery attendant. if that doesn't work, i'll simply introduce them to catholic guilt, and they'll be ship shape in no time.

megan and dani's visit was incredible, or incre-eeeeblay, as those silly spaniards would say. it was a rollicking good time that included copious amounts of vegan food, beer, and debauchery. not to mention, a little naptime thrown in. truly, an ideal vacation and one that took a while to recover from. if not for the pesky demands of work, school and moving, i would probably still be in the fetal position, crying out for someone to fetch me vegan waffles, and then crying some more when none came. in my defense, there's really very little that can beat a good vegan waffle.

living with greg though happens to be one such thing. we applied for and got that box masquerading as an apartment in mid february, and have been happily cohabitating ever since. despite the fact that my view of the cascades is now a view of a brick wall, and despite the fact that said brick wall is part of the gay dance club next door that plays shitty techno until two in the morning, i love living there. it takes me literally (LIT-TRALLY) thirty seconds to walk to stumptown coffee or any of the four bars around the corner. this of course is not the least bit conducive to my fake attempts to quit caffeine and drinking, but i'm willing to suffer the consequences because greg is a kick ass roommate. he brings me coffee in the morning and i bring him beer at night and straighten his towel on the towel bar so it has a chance to dry out. a match made in heaven if you ask me. which you totally did.

also a perfect match - me and my anatomy and physiology class. i started at PIMA last week, and while all of it is pretty awesome, a & p is winning by leaps and bounds, which just confirms that the medical field is the right place for me. and while school is going to definitively kick my ass and mop the floor with it, it's SO wonderful to be challenged again and to know that once i successfully complete the requirements of the program, i will be working at a place that will treat me as a valued employee and compensate me as such. which is a crazy thing to expect of your employer, i know, but i'm a wild card, as you know. a loose canon. a rogue. there's no telling what kind of shenanigans i'll get us into. you stick with me kid, and we'll go places. like to the library. as in right now. seriously, i've got a stack of homework packets that won't finish themselves, so get your stuff and let's go. no? no? you're staying here? fine. but you'll never go anywhere with a quitter attitude like that.

here's your found item of the day:



this was found in a parking lot apparently. bobby is an uncaring bastard.