let's go seahawks! clap! clap! clap, clap, clap!!!

well you certainly took forever to get here, friday. no, no, by all means, take your time. it's not like i have a dream weekend coming up with a once (or possibly twice) in a lifetime chance to see my favorite sports franchise win a national championship or anything. no, no let's do what YOU want to do, FRIDAY.

well, since you're here, i might as well enjoy it. and enjoy it i shall. i didn't have appointments today, so that means i am spending all day finishing paperwork while watching spongebob in one of my seventy seahawks shirts and my tattered sleep pants that would be better suited on a pirate. i'm not kidding. one pant leg is torn up to the knee. how it happened, i'm not sure. but je suis une pirate. or not. i don't know. i'm only on level two of french on duolingo. which is ah-mah-zing, guys. if you haven't downloaded this app, i suggest you do so at once. then we can follow each other and i can feel inadequate when you lap my ass in learning. good times.

you know what else is good times? going to seattle to watch the seahawks play in super bowl xlviii for the weekend! i told you! i done told you this was our year! woo-hoo bitches! and yes, i know the game is not actually in seattle. but the bulk of diehard fans are going to be and it's going to be nuts and i'm going to see my friends and drink beer and watch my team crush the hopes and dreams of my sister's team! it's going to be glorious! and even if they lose (which they won't) it'll still be a welcome respite from work which has been INSANE lately and from santa rosa which has been too dry for my taste.

this weekend will also serve as a last hurrah for my diet which has been delightfully, deliciously, atrocious. i don't know if you've seen me lately, but it's gotten pretty bad. i am giving jabba the hut a run for his (her? its?) money. it is increasingly clear that i'm addicted to sugar, you guys. and admitting it is the first step. step two is going cold turkey. well, that's my step two anyway. when i return from seattle, i'll have a detox week with no sugars or dairy or wheat of any kind. and then over the next 60 days i'll slowly integrate healthy carbs back into the mix. with any luck, i'll be on my way to a lighter, healthier, less ear infection-y me. so here's to new year's resolutions! and to starting them a month late! i'll keep you posted here, if ye be interested in updates. and if you have a moment, say a prayer or some secular blessing for my beloved nick, who may or may not bear the brunt of my sugar withdrawals. here's hoping we both make it through.

with that, i leave you your found item of the day:



for the record, nick does not shave his legs. and this caitlyn chick is a total B.

you're still here?

it's been well over a year since i last wrote. which kinda blows my mind considering how much has changed in that flash of a year. clearly i will never get my shit together enough to write that novel i've been talking about for quite some time now. oh well, ya win some, ya lose some. anyway, for those who aren't paid to stalk me, here is a recap:

-i fell in love. i know, i know, gross. but you try being around the kindest, smartest, handsomest, smiley-est, quirkiest (read: nerdiest) person you know and see if you don't fall victim to his or her charms. nicholas had me at "let's have a lord of the rings marathon". i'm only human, you know.

-as a result of said love, i left my other love, seattle. it was a difficult decision but long distance relationships suck even more than the niners. and so, we packed up my belongings in a comically oversized truck that i then forced nick to drive the entire way back to rosa. where we now reside. quite happily, i might add. sure, there's more laundry and less space than i originally bargained for but waking up next to the love of my life more than makes up for it. (aw....barf.)

-we became parents. kitten parents that is. as a result, i have become THAT person, who treats their pets like they would their own offspring. toby and pippin have got to be the most spoiled kittens ever. nick really should ban me from pet stores because i clearly have no self control - each trip i leave with like 60 bucks worth of toys or cat shelfs or cat costumes or supplements or whatever new fangled best thing for kittens there is! to top it off we got a meat grinder to make homemade cat food (though i daresay nick is more stoked to pick up yet another hobby in charcuterie). like i said, spoiled ass kittens. but they give pretty damn good cuddles, so i guess it's worth it.

-my mom gave breast cancer an ass whopping. not to say it didn't give her a couple of good knocks - chemotherapy is a bitch and a half and there were a couple of close calls but as my sister and i learned early on, one does not simply trifle with lucy wimmer; cancer is no exception. thankfully, she is thriving and now that i live closer to her, it's nice to be able to visit more often (and for fun and not health reasons).

-i got a job working for the cancer prevention institute of california. it's similar to what i was doing at the hutch - collecting samples for research - but this time i work from home. it's weird and kind of lonely not going into an office everyday. but if i feel like staying in my jammies while leaving sports center on in the background all day, i can. i could even have a beer if i wanted to. i don't want to of course. but i could. if i did. which i don't. want. to. (slams a beer.)

-and finally, the seattle seahawks won the super bowl. ok, well it hasn't happened yet. but this is our year. i thought it might have been last year but apparently the universe got the birds mixed up, mistook the ravens for hawks. that's ok, we've had a chat and everyone can relax, the universe knows what's up now. see you in new york in february! (yes, once a seahawk always a seahawk, even though i now live in enemy territory.)

there's a bit more to tell, but if you've made it thus far, well, you actually need to find something better to do. seriously, it's a nice day out; don't let me waste it.

with that i leave you your found item of the day:



i give it two months.

who AM i?

i'm acting like a teenager again. even though i just turned thirty-two. i wouldn't say it's necessarily a mid life crisis. on the contrary, these past few months i've been just about the happiest i've ever been. but i have been acting like a love-sick fool prone to excessive sighing, declarations of a certain boy's dreaminess, and the repetitious blaring of mopey music. absolutely ridiculous. i should be ashamed of myself, i know. but the great selenie is twitterpated and there is simply nothing that can be done, so i suggest we all just move along. go back inside your homes; nothing to see here, people.

in other news, i have become a reading fiend. i mean, i have always had a voracious appetite for books but Nick, the same sweet boy responsible for turning me into that pathetic, sappy mess mentioned above, also made the crucial mistake of buying me a nook for my birthday and now it's so much worse. in truth, my heart had longed for such a device, but i feared buying one for turning into some novel-obsessed beast. and now look at me. i crave it. i need it. i bring it with me wherever i go, reading whatever i damn well please. and because no one can tell what i'm reading, i've picked up the notebook because curiosity got the better of me. the notebook for crying out loud!!!! I'M A MONSTER!!! (cue buster bluth slashing down the "welcome home buster" banner)

ahem.

move along, people. move along.

in my defense, i'm just finishing up book three of the dragon tattoo series, and that's some heavy stuff, man. a little light-hearted mush fest is a welcome reprieve from all the stabby stabby with the axe-y axe-y that goes on with those crazy swedes. but it is a good series once you get into it. which i am. and which i am now going to return to. have yourself a lovely weekend.

here's your found item of the day:

hhhwhirlwind.

so i know i haven't written in a while but to be honest, life has been pretty great which makes my writing pretty boring. and i want only the best for you, dear reader. only the best. which is why i recommend you leave this page at once. seriously, there are so many cat videos that you are missing right now.

ok, well, if you're gonna stick around, i may as well tell you why life has been so great. first, they've decided to put arrested development back on the air. well, on the special netflix air and not until 2013, but still. for those of you who have been living in the amish countryside and are unaware of the greatness that is arrested development or for those just needing a refresher course, i bring you this:



clearly, its return is something to be stoked about. unless you hated that clip. in which case, i've just ruined your whole day. you're welcome. ahem. moving on.

strangely enough, work is also something to be stoked about. my bosses have given me more responsibilities which normally would induce panic but in this case, makes me feel useful and challenged. plus, my propensity to get bored and subsequently into trouble has been greatly diminished. i'm like a cat that way, i suppose. or a child suffering from A.D.D., one of the two.

speaking of cats (which i have been this whole entire time, i just noticed), i've decided that i will likely get one or two or maybe sixteen cats, in lieu of a puppy come march. i know, i know. in my heart of hearts, i really wanted a big dog to snuggle with and blame my farts on, but realistically in this hovel of an apartment, it wouldn't have been fair to him or her. plus, cats are easier and less demanding, even if they are a-holes sometimes. it'll be a good fit as i too am an a-hole sometimes. (this is where you'd say, no way, selena, you're great! and then i'd say oh, go on! and then wait for you to go on. ready? ok!)

reader(s?): no, way, selena! you're great!
selena: oh! go on!
(waiting)
selena: *cough*go*cough*on*
(waiting)
selena: you guys are dicks.

another reason i have opted to not get a dog is that i will hopefully be doing a lot more traveling this year and a dog would make that more difficult logistically. in addition to a trip to massachusetts to get my niece hammered for her twenty-first, i hope to go to santa rosa more often. i visited in early february and was reminded why i loved that place and called it home for so long. so i hope to go back often and enjoy my friends, enjoy excellent mexican food, and stalk spend more time with a certain boy who seems happy to spend more time with me too. like i said, life's been great. especially now that i get to annoy the crap out of everyone with this stupid grin on my face that will not go away.

hope you're all well. here's your found item of the day:

it's ok, i'm with the innkeeper.

as those of you who stalk me regularly must surely be aware, today was a snow day. they warned it would happen, and happen it did. and while it was only five inches of snow, it was enough to be dubbed "snowmageddon" because seattle is a city that has no idea how to handle the white stuff. i, on the other hand, do. i took a slide on a piece of cardboard down denny ave, promptly got annoyed at my soaking wet ass and now am having a pint of the jolly roger christmas ale - aka, poor man's brown shugga. other people apparently had the same idea as i have never seen the canterbury this packed during the day. not gonna lie, i'm a little irritated. this is MY sad sack hang out, people. you find your own.

anyway, it's been a pretty great day and an even better excuse not to work out. though prior to this snowpocalypse, i had been actually pretty solid on working towards my fitness goals. in addition to the desire to lessen comparisons to jabba the hut, one of my other goals is to run an eight minute mile like i did in high school. i acknowledge freely that is not a very fast pace, but considering that i generally walked most of it the second i was out of eye sight of mr. irabarren, it's not too shabby. as it stands now, i run a breathless pace at 12 mph or pretty much the top speed of a segway. that said, i am fearless. bring it on, paul blart.

another resolution i neglected to mention - making sweet, sweet music. i've been saving for many things - one of which is a macbook. i've been a pc gal for decades, but the programming ease of garage band is just too good to pass up. so i will be getting one in the next week or so and then prepare your ears to feast on the glory that is my brain. or stock up on ear plugs. you've been warned. hope your life in 2012 has thus far been fulfilling and safe! here's your found item of the day:

happy new year!

good afternoon america, i come to you live from the portland bound amtrak 513 train, car 6, seat 8 where we are counting down the hours until the new year's eve ball drop! what's that? oh yes, i see. i'm sorry, i'm being told that we are not actually doing the new year's eve countdown but rather the when-can-i-get-off-this-effing-train countdown. only two and a half more hours of cramped legs and screaming children to go, back to you in the studio, bob!

to be honest, it's better than i thought, though i would have preferred not to have the aisle seat. no, no, old man. by all means, you take the window. don't be silly, i don't mind getting up every five minutes that you discover you want something out of your bag in the overhead area. it's fine, take your time. anyway, it'll all be worth it when i arrive in portland because i will be spending the new year with annie (or wantonio as she prefers to be called, trust me). as i recall, wantonio owes me a kiss at midnight from a botched new year's promise like 6 years ago. though i won't hold her to it as i was the one who did the botching. and she has a boyfriend. so. there's that.

and there's this: a riddle! what has two thumbs, frequently butchers the french language for sport and received a seahawks toaster for christmas? c'est moi! and while it doesn't quite work just yet, i think it will simply be a matter of time before i will be eating seahawks logo imprinted toast until my heart's content. unfortunately, i just joined a gym so the seahawks logo imprinted toast will be limited to special occasions only - bar mitvahs, job promotions, new episodes of revenge and the like. when i started 2011, i was fairly committed to a workout routine but by march was easily derailed by um, everything. so sadly, my waistline has grown considerably. but this year. THIS YEAR! will be the year that i finally do something about it. to ensure that this resolution will be different from the last 20 or so years i've said the same damn thing, i've decided to embrace my fat side and have even named her "tubby". in this way, i've created a sort of imaginary workout buddy. when i'm tired and want to quit halfway through a body pump class, i'll remember tubby and know that i can't let her down. and when tubby doesn't want to go to the gym, i'll say, "come along, tubby. we've got work to do!". it's a plan so crazy, it just might work. and if not, there's always next year. come along, tubby.

here's your found item of the day:

and to all a good night

i watched the sound of music last night which is not really the way i envisioned my christmas eve to be honest. but after a few cocktails at the sun liquor distillery, nursing that stinging loss by the seahawks to the team who shall not be named (stupid niners), i figured it'd be best for my health and my wallet if i came home to console myself in a more controlled environment. and so i sauntered home to make terrible food choices and watch terrible tv and lo and behold, i see fraulein maria dancing about.

as a kid i tolerated musicals because well, kids don't know what good taste is and are notorious for choosing to exalt the most annoying and nerve fraying things. i certainly was no exception. but after watching the end of the movie, adult selena thought to herself, you know. it's not that bad. i surprise myself sometimes. anyway, onto christmas morning!

and interestingly enough, for the first christmas morning in my thirty one years, i am completely alone. and you know what, it is actually feeling pretty great. i have an a-MAH-zing (still not getting the penny reference? god, you guys are slackers. ugh. whatever.) a-MAH-zing view from my bedroom window of puget sound, downtown seattle and of course, the space needle. and as i lay there admiring the dark clouds out on the horizon, i thought about all the christmas pasts i've had in the last 12 years or so I've been on my own. it was a very scrooge-esque montage for as you know my life has been full of bumbling about, begging for more chances to be good, and lots of cries of "what's all this then?". but as i recounted, i realized that in the past 12 years i've lived in a different house fifteen, yes, fifteen times. and so this year, my christmas wish is simple...that i will live in this beautiful apartment next year when christmas comes around. and perhaps for the next three or four. i'm ready for this apartment to make an honest woman outta me. and so long as i have my fake fireplace television channel with christmas carols and a few spiked nogs, i think i'll make it through just fine.

happy and safe holidays my friends! here's your found item of the day:

I'm totally stealing that as my catchphrase from now on.