nothing, and no.

that was the answer one of my most favorite teachers ever gave in response to "what have you learned in 2020 and count your blessings". nothing and no. it is a response i am embracing fully because 2020 was hot garbage and i'm still feeling salty about it in this, the year of our lord, 2021. if i had an angel on my shoulder, it would be emperor palpatine encouraging me to let the hate flow through. don't mind if i do.

i missed festivus this year, but i'm not going to let that stop me from airing some grievances. the first is a doozy. i miscarried at 9 weeks in march of 2020. it was right at the start of covid so i was alone in the doctor's office, facetiming nick while three separate practitioners tried and failed to find a heartbeat. it was heartbreaking and humiliating. i bore that shame alone while my coworker nurtured and brought to term a healthy boy, her sixth child. i do not begrudge her happiness but the universe's cruelty was not lost on me. strike one, 2020.

strike two - covid itself. the ultimate thief of joy. teddy roosevelt claimed it was comparison, not so. roosevelt never met covid. i don't have to lay out the ways it affected us - your life has no doubt been equally impacted. pero like, what the everliving fuck, universe? is this because i went to that nickleback concert like 20 years ago? because i was a different person then and it doesn't seem fair to hold a grudge like that. just saying.

strike three, the seahawks. christ almighty, just a thundering cloud of mediocrity. i know, i know. a 12-4 season, divisional champs, what more could i ask for. greatness that's what. another super bowl championship thats what. an mvp caliber qb who straight up collapsed 6 games into the season. couldn't move the ball downfield if his life depended on it. i could dink and dunk better than him and i only partially know what that phrase means. it was probably the most frustrating season i've experienced as a fan because this team was STACKED. *it coulda been a contenda* le sigh. when's seattle's hockey team starting up? i can fall in love with them and they can disappoint me in a different way than the hawks or mariners. it'll be great.

i have other grievances, primarily political, but i don't want to delve too deep into my venomous disgust with the trump administration because that is a cavernous trench from which we may never resurface. so in keeping with a belated festivus, we'll move on to feats of strength. which shant take long because i have become incredibly deconditioned since like, june. but i intend to funnel all this rage into getting fit this year because though i'll probably regret claiming this later on, i declare 2021 the year of selena. yeah. i said it. a year of my life robbed of a whole heckin' lot and i'm not fallin for that shit again. i am reclaiming my time a la maxine waters and y'all better watch out.

with that i leave you your found item of the day:

s'good advice.