i got them rainy day blues...

except that i totally don't. i just happen to be listening to some muddy waters and felt i had to make something up to fit in with that sceney mother fucker.

anyway, part of the reason i don't have them rainy day blues is because i have a rainy day game plan instead. well, an all weather game plan, really. for those of you paying attention, there happens to be a recurring theme in all of my blog posts; that theme being an incredibly inconvenient and soul crushing case of living below the poverty line. and so, having grown tired of the thundering rain cloud of mediocrity that is my life, i, the great selenie, being of mostly sound body and mind, have decided to go back to school. and not just any school, either. no, no, i hope to attend the ultra prestigious PIMA medical institute. what's that, you say? you've never heard of it? well, neither had i. but apparently they're good. says so on their website and as we know, websites don't lie.

ok, ok. so i did actually do some research. and i have a coworker who's a student there and she has nothing but great things to say. plus they offer lifetime job placement assistance. so i feel pretty confident in their programs, specifically the radiology program which will allow me to become an x-ray technician. yes, that's right. i wish to be an x-ray technician, or radiographer, as we in the biz call it. some of you die-hard cynics may say that i'm doing it solely because specialized x-ray techs make HELLA money. some of you silly altruists may chalk it up to my desire to help others. and you would both be right. but mostly i'm doing it because my game would exponentially increase. no one looks at a lowly CNA. but an x-ray tech! now there is someone who had the temerity and dedication to go to school for two years. two years! that's impressive stuff right there; that's almost a doctor for cryin out loud!

anyway, my interview for the program is in february (i know, what the fuck, right? i want to get started now!), and assuming i pass their admissions requirements and get some serious financial aid, it is on like donkey kong, or some other similar nintendo character, because really, why should he get all the credit? huh? HUH? ANSWER ME! so yay for being almost out of debt, only to take on a considerable amount more!

anyway, wish me luck - i will try my best to keep you posted on this endeavor. until then, enjoy your found item of the day:


huh.

man, i'm a slacker.

hello, shaun. (that was to be read in a british accent, because the word slacker automatically triggered an image of shaun from shaun of the dead. also, have been binging on bridget jones' diary and been thinking in british accent almost incessantly as a result...hmm...perhaps should not have admitted last bit.)

very well. moving on. things have been INCREDIBLY interesting in the world of the great selenie. actually, that was a big fat lie. i was lying just then. things have been pretty mudane and boring. go to work, go to bar, go to bed. that sort of thing.

that was until current santa rosans, terrance and andy showed up. i took four days off work and proceeded to show them all of my favorite landmarks, which coincidentally are bars, and then showed them all of my favorite eats, which coincidentally happen to be located inside bars. it was quite enjoyable until of course the drinking began to catch up with us, and by us i mean me. and then, of course, it all went downhill from there. i would like to point out that the blame for any drama caused falls squarely on the shoulders of the seventeen or so beers that i mysteriously consumed on that night, and NOT on my own character flaws or insecurities. who am i kidding? i'm such an ass sometimes. but good friends will love you no matter what, and lucky for me, terrance and andy still do.

all bs aside, it was great fun finally having friends to show the city off to. and i think despite my intervention-worthy behavior, there still might be a chance that andy would move up here. which would be bad ass. you know who else is bad ass? my new friend greg. he's a windsor native, but don't judge him by that. he's fantastic. and he knows how to enjoy a good old fashioned slumber party. minus the nail polish and facials. he got really touchy about that. anyway, he's a good kid and i'm stoked to know someone outside of work, not to mention, i now have a wingman for going out to meet people! life is looking up!

AND! i interviewed today for a new job, and i think it went well! it's a day care center for toddlers, and while it doesn't really pay well, they really take good care of their staff. the paid holidays, 401k plans, subsidized bus passes, and free ece classes really make up for the ten bucks an hour. i should hear back by friday - wish me luck cause i want a new job so badly and this one would be wonderful!

anyway, i think that's enough drivel for one day. i'll try to write more by the end of this week. until then, i remain, selenie in seattle.

here's your found item of the day:



this was apparently found stuck in the window of the space needle restaurant. gotta love that washington hospitality!

quite unexpected but certainly appreciated...

so as you may recall in my last blog post written almost a month ago (i know, i know), i asked the universe for the chance to meet a nice boy the old fashioned, organic way. which the universe took to mean, a drunken hook-up with my coworker at our friend's birthday party. to my amusement and pleasant surprise however, the hook-up has exited the sleazy speedway and taken a slow left onto we-don't-know-what-this-is-but-why-don't-we-just-enjoy-it drive. and so, there we shall cruise until we decide the ride is over. or more likely, until i freak out and leave him in the dust. but i'm going to try my best to not muck it up, so wish me luck.

wish me luck too, in the job finding department. it seems i failed to accurately assess the degree of crackpot insanity running rampant among the higher ranks of our administration. last week my coworker nyky was fired for not making our executive director coffee. literally. there was a memo that circulated soon after about how our executive director should be treated as a VIP and dignitary, and that all employees are now required to know how to work the coffee machine. and then yesterday, my coworker and closest friend up here, cullen, was fired with no reason given whatsoever. the e.d. simply said she had to let cullen go, and then explained the benefits package. of course, the rest of us know she fired cullen and nyky because they were vocal critics of her policies. and those of us left know that pretty soon we too are going to be called in "for a meeting". so naturally, i've been checking craigslist obsessively, and i gotta tell you folks, this recession is doing nothing for me. i mean, maybe if it cleaned up a little, put on a nice suit, gained a sense of humor...i dunno. then it might work for me. but at this point, recession, i'm out of your league.

it has gotten me to think about returning to school, which is a thought that, even as i type, makes me sick to my stomach. i mean, shouldn't four years of mind-numbing college courses on the american justice system count for something? i am kicking myself for not sticking on the nursing degree path. i coulda been rich by now, relatively speaking. i mean, i could have actually afforded top ramen and not the grocery outlet knock-off. you know it's bad when you're paying for groceries IN CHANGE AT GROCERY OUTLET!!! but enough self-pity. i'm going to stay positive and research all my options. and i'll do my best to keep you lone devoted reader posted.

until then, i remain, selena in seattle. here's your found item of the day:



this has inspired me to take glamour shots with my hamster.

disaster, thy name is internet blind date...

so, because i am new to seattle and because my last relationship was over two years ago, i figured it was time to get back on the hobby horse. lord knows, i have not had my fair share of that ride.

still, i have standards, and today, this poor boy that i met off plenty of fish, was far below them. i say boy, because despite the twenty nine years he's had on this earth to prove himself otherwise, he failed miserably. it took him 45 minutes to ask me a question. on anything. granted, i asked him a lot of questions because i could not bear the unbearably awkward silence. but that awkward silence could have been filled with him at least attempting to seem interested in getting to know me. to top it off, he repeatedly poked me in the shoulder and tugged on my pony tail in an attempt to flirt with me. like a twelve year old boy. we went into a record store where he selected albums that i should listen to. among them, korn and temple of the dog. and though that song hunger strike is catchy, it was old and annoying even when it came out in the nineties. and though the date only lasted an hour and a half, it was quite possibly one of the most painful hour and a halfs i've experienced in my lifetime. particularly when he asked me repeatedly if we were having fun, and suggested we should hang out again. no concept of social cues whatsoever!

so i did what any girl in a new city with no friends to bail her out would do: i made up an excuse that my friend was arriving from out of town and that i needed to meet her at the airport. and sure enough, i found myself boarding the 194 needlessly out to the sea-tac airport, leaving a misguided boy waving bye at the bus terminal. on the upside, i got a free tour of seattle metro style.

oh well. i've deleted my profile - i don't think internet dating is for me. i don't understand why it's so hard to just meet normal guys, but apparently it is. so i'm putting it out there in the universe now - i'm ready to meet a nice, normal, well-adjusted guy the good old fashioned organic way. or i'll just stalk the guard at the library for a while. that'll work too.

no time for a found item, but until the next time, i bid you adieu and happy love travels.

hey hermano.

so i took a very unscheduled hiatus, but now i am back in good form, ready to sidetrack your good intentions and completely waste your time. huzzah indeed!

i watched this movie today called charlie bartlett. i rented it for two reasons. one because the eponymous character has the same last name as jed bartlett. the fictional president from the west wing. yes, i know how entirely pathetic this is. don't judge me. but the second reason was because, well, it looked pretty good. and by it looked pretty good, i mean, i saw robert downey jr. on the preview and HE looked pretty good. and hot dog on a stick, he totally was. i don't know where my head has been these past eighteen years or so since i first noticed the opposite sex, but good lord! i mean, obviously i had some semblance of good taste as george clooney earned a permanent space on my radar at the sprightly age of ten. but really, how did i overlook mr. downey junior? i don't know, but lesson learned my friends. i will be paying closer attention to everything so as to avoid regretting lost time. i urge you all to do the same.

another thing i urge you to undertake is mix tape er, um...making. ideally as a gift to me, but if you want to spread the joy to others, by all means do so. when i say mixtape, i actually mean magnetic reels of tape in cassette form and not compact discs. the infallible being that i am, i can confidently say that cassette tapes are far superior a medium for getting your point across through music. whether it's a dramatic declaration of love or simply an assurance of friendship, the point is...it's a pain in the ass to skip a song. so in essence, you make your listener hear you and really digest the songs that you love. this naturally means you must choose your songs wisely. or provide a disclaimer. i generally stick to "this doesn't mean i love you so quit freaking out", but you can come up with your own, i am sure. i also pretend i'm a radio host and am meticulous about one song flowing nicely into the other. but you don't have to be so ocd. now granted, it takes much longer to make an actual mixtape...but at least your recipient will know that you cared enough to take the time to make it. so suck on that, digital recording!

with that i leave you, your found item of the day:



rad.

now i'm down to two dollars.

on what did i squander 28 dollars? good question.

with kind of a sad answer.

i spent twenty eight dollars on a movie ticket, coffee, a new notebook and beer. note that desperately needed groceries went by the way side. in my defense, i've spent the last month so strapped for cash that anything remotely resembling luxury was immediately taken out back and shot. and so when i finally had my bills paid, i opted to spend money on things that promised levity.

though i gotta say, spending ten fiddy on a movie ticket for "the hangover" was a bit of a hard sell. i admit freely that i choked back some tears when handing my money over...but it promised levity and levity it delivered. truth be told, i would have rather gone to see "away we go", but it was lawren's suggestion and considering he's always gone freely with mine, it would have been uncouth for me to throw a fit. and it was pretty funny with some good eye candy. obviously i mean, zach galifianakis. paunchy with a beard, yes please.

the coffee and the new notebook obviously went hand in hand. i've been writing more than i have time to actually post (i only get ninety minute increments at the library). and while not all of it is fit to print, it feels good to get these thoughts out. though i must say, i can't wait until i finally have money to buy a laptop...this writing by hand crap is getting kind of old. i'm trying to figure out ways to cajole my mother into sending me her old typewriter, but it's heavy and well, she's getting frail. not to mention the postage. so i suppose you, little mead college rule, you will have to do.

and dollar beers at the comet, you will do just as nicely. with that i leave you your found item of the day:

i must have been high when i said i'd rather be poor but happy.

seriously.

i have thirty dollars to last me until my next paycheck in two weeks. part of me is tempted to take my chances at goldie's shoreline casino, but then i remember that i suck at gambling and don't handle losing money well. the wierdo clinging to the slot machines sobbing and screaming? that's me. i have a hard enough time making friends without adding bizarre emotional meltdowns to the equation.

in happier news, i discovered a new place to squander my free time other than the library or elliot bay books. in the area known as madrona park, which just so happens to be right around the corner from my house, there is, well. a park. but not just any park. a park with a full size, relatively isolated basketball court. oh yes. you read that right. the great selenie gets to practice her fly nba worthy moves in complete anonymity, any time she wants to. terrance better watch his back. game on, bitch.

with that i leave you your found item of the day:

happiness is a rainy day in seattle...

complimented by pearl bailey on pandora, to boot. i know i am biased in judgement, but seattle really is a beautiful city, and the rainy, overcast weather only enhances it. i am sure this seems counterintuitive, but 3 million people happen to agree with me, so, you know. shut up. not to mention the fact that i, lazy mclazerson, regularly shun the bus ride, actually prefering the forty minute walk into downtown instead. that's gotta count for something.

anyway, it's been a while and i thought i'd update you a bit. working with dd adults is pretty fantastic. i went in expecting a relatively sober work environment; that i would just go in, make food, clean house, wipe a couple butts and then head out. in a marvelous twist of fate however, it is nothing so boring or detached. my coworkers are insane and the clients are easily the most endearing people i've met in a long time. some of the daily antics include harassing the clients with squirt guns, impromptu dance parties to "this is why i'm hot", and my personal favorite: making fart noises and blaming the residents. there is a method to the madness - the clients end up laughing so much, they forget to be resistant to what we're asking them to do. it's genius, and i am really stoked to be there.

it doesn't pay well, which is the only drag. my well-meaning mother casually drops the college bomb everytime we chat. i imagine she would be wringing her hands if she didn't need one of them to hold the phone. and i totally get it. it would be nice to not worry about money. but unfortunately, the things i want to do with my life don't come equipped with a pension plan or stock options. as wincing and trite as it may be, i'd rather be happy than rich. and so...it's taken me years to settle on it, but it's become increasingly clear that my compass has been gravitating toward writing for some time now, and i'm finally beginning to accept that the literary world just might be where i belong. boldly going where so many have gone before, i am prepared to embrace sleep and social deprivation as a means to a hopefully famous and profitable end. or at the very least, an anonymous but accomplished end. we'll see how it goes, but you heard it here first. the great selenie is going to build the next great literary empire or die trying. in that regard - i've created a different blog for more, uh, i guess thoughtful? writing and not the flippant slop i usually post here. you can take a gander if ye wish: aminorempire.blogspot.com it's probably rubbish, don't say i didn't warn ya.

with that, i leave you your found item of the day: glorious.

i would follow her anywhere.

there are many times when i question my inner gay. for instance, when the adorable will bailey from the west wing look-a-like security guard walks by me at the library, i feel my face go hot and i involuntarily smile like a stupid school girl. or when i feel that annoying and irrepressible dull ache in my heart everytime i think of a certain boy, whose name will go unmentioned here. or the fact that after 19 years, i still swoon at the sight of george clooney. these are all times when i certainly think to myself, nope. not really gay. but then this, this, comes along, and i become an ambiguously gay loner all over again.

because although it features another love of mine, john krasinski, it is allison janney and allison janney alone that stands out. she will have a piece of my heart forever, and i'm not the least bit ashamed.

when it rains, it pours...

or sprinkles. or tinkles. if you happen to prefer a golden shower. i don't know what i'm saying. this is the worst game of word association i've ever played.

ahem. what i was failing to get at is that i have a job! yes, lincoln park group home called me at an incredibly indecent hour this morning (ten am. the nerve.) and informed me that i had won over their hearts and minds, and that they'd like me to start training for the job on monday! naturally, i played it cool and aloof, as one who's been desperately seeking employment for the last month ought to. and by playing it cool, i mean i thanked them profusely and then immediately called my mother.

and as luck would have it, both starbucks and a youth agency called this afternoon asking to set up interviews (hence the poorly executed idiom of raining and pouring). frankly, this is the kind of behavior i've come to expect from you, starbucks. you're just like a man. only wanting what you can't have. well, i won't stand for it, starbucks. i just won't. you hear me? i...what's that? you're sorry? well, i suppose i could give forgive you. i'll call you back later. yes. yes. i love you too.

hey. don't look at me like that, reader. may i remind you that i don't really have any friends here and that it might be nice to actually work around people who are near my age? and by near my age, i mean, people who go to college parties because they still shoulder tap and are not past their prime like some short mexican chick i know. sigh. i suppose all things will come together eventually. at least the proverbial job duck has gotten into its place in the row. i am supremely grateful for that.

especially since having money means i get to do more fun things like last night's found show. oh, man, the awesome. i am not sure if i mentioned it in the last blog, but davy's hot. and his brother peter is even hotter. and a totally talented singer. i was in heaven. not to mention, i totally popped lawren's found magazine cherry. he is now a convert, totally inspired to pick up random discarded things, and for that, i can only feel a motherly pride.

with that, i leave you, your found item of the day:



i love it. so much.

and the hunt is on...

i had an interview this morning for that job working with dd adults. i felt that it went pretty well and they had me fill out a lot of forms as if i got the job which is always a good sign. however, they are still interviewing others and will let me know officially in the next few days. keep your fingers crossed. even though the hours of 2 - 10 pm, thursday through monday, totally interfere with my primarily fictitious social life, i'll take it since the timely payment of rent is apparently non-negotiable.

in the meantime, in alignment with my rigorous schedule of DOING NOTHING, i've continued to devour books from the library. my obsession has begun to border on unhealthy and once even crossed the line with its toe, particularly that time when i read david nicholls' 400 page a question of attraction in one solid, solitary afternoon. in my defense, the man is witty as all get out. really, he should be punished for such piquant writing. i'd see to it myself if he weren't all the way in london, and if i weren't so lazy and distractable. plus i'm a pacifist at heart. or a sissy. as it were.

no matter, i have other things to keep me occupied. tonight, in an effort to reconnect with actual humans, i have cajoled lawren into going to see davy rothbart from found magazine at the crocodile cafe. (as a side note, for those loyal readers who may fear i frequently bully lawren into doing things he may not want to, all i can say is mind your own beeswax, ramona. besides, peer pressure is good for you. builds character.) i caught the last bit of davy's show at the northwest folk music festival, and rest assured dear friends, that man is a funny mother fucker. and hot. funny, and hot. such an amazing combination. not to mention he created the voyeuristic pleasuretown of found magazine, which i can clearly and unmistakably assume he did so simply as a ruse to meet me. i mean, what other plausible explanation could there be, right? right. i'm glad you agree.

in that plucky and optimistic spirit, i leave you with your found item of the day:



oooh. burn...

flim, flam, thank you ma'am.

by far, my favorite sound in music (and perhaps the universe at large) is the flam. what is the flam, you ask? well, if you pipe down and let me talk free of your insouciant, devil-may-care interruptions, i'll get on with it, ok?

a flam, for the uninformed, is a drum rudiment in which the snare is struck with both hands almost simultaneously, one stick striking slightly harder than the other. it is brilliantly executed on a from monument to masses' song, the first five, off of "on little known frequencies". the entire album is flawless, of course, and i'm not saying that just because i'm currently obsessed with them. or maybe i am. still, you'd be doing yourself a world of good if you ran out and got yourself a copy of this gem.

and due to my current state of funemployment, there are a great many more recommendations from the great selenie files which include the following:

1. wicked by gregory maguire. as with all things massively popular, i was skeptical and unwilling to even approach this book. at the risk of seeming incredibly snobbish, it is virtually impossible to underestimate the stupidity and lack of taste in other people. nonetheless, i got over myself and put a hold on this book at the library. and now having read it, i can only be grateful. it is well written, funny and poignant all at once. kind of like my blogs, right? RIGHT?!? that's what i thought.

2. pinky and the brain. i know what you're thinking. isn't that a children's cartoon, when is she going to grow up, she's twenty nine for god's sake? i have no counter argument. all i can say is that this show was genius and well ahead of its time. think of it as a classier, more linear version of family guy. and if you rent it and hate it, well, you have no soul and should be ashamed. there. i said it.

3. wait, wait, don't tell me. ah, yes. npr. here's my chance to redeem myself with something elegant and refined. except for the part that it's probably the least refined segment on npr which makes it defacto my favorite part. i would move to utah, become mormon and marry both peter sagal and carl kasell if i could. hey. i think i'm onto something. or on something. that would make more sense. if it were true. which it isn't. what? shut up. go to your puny little library and check out the best of series of the show. go on. scram.

with that, i leave you your found item of the day:

swoon.

quitters never win...

but i bet they're a whole lot happier. i know i am.

yes, today, i was a quitter. a quit, quit, quit, quit, quitter. and while the thrill of walking away from quite possibly the worst job i've ever had is beginning to wear off and reality is beginning to settle in that i am once again jobless, it still beats having to stand on the street, harassing people for money like a common hooker. although save the children truly is a fantastic organization, canvassing this past week made me feel disingenuous and smarmy, not to mention really made me start to hate people, and that's not me. i like people. i want to help people, not hate them. so while quitting makes me feel like, well, a loser, at least that's a feeling i'm well versed in.

and i'm not a complete idiot. i was still applying for other positions, and i have an interview next tuesday to work with developmentally disabled adults. that is definitely something i can get behind, so hopefully they choose me cause i know i'd really love it. and i've got another interview to work for a pet store, which of course would be totally awesome. so i'm not going to worry. i'm through with panic - the universe will find a way for me, i know it.

in the meantime, there's a free show at the comet tavern tonight with some local bands, and i'm going to harrangue lawren until he agrees to accompany me. or hangs up on me. whichever happens first. with that i leave you your found item of the day:



awesome.

lazy-fest 2009 had to end some time...

so i started my job today. yay for not being a jobless bum! but instead of licking ahem for the ACLU, i am doing said task for an organization called save the children. it turns out that the first canvassing place i was going to work for, grassroots international (who campaign on behalf of the ACLU) were modern day slave drivers. their focus was almost entirely on the sale (which i am not a fan of) and not the actual cause (which i am a fan of). and so i moved onto hopefully greener pastures - an organization called public outreach. they do not operate on commission, and once i pass my 30 hour evaluation, i will get paid a tidy sum of 14 bucks an hour. not to shabby for basic conversation. and did i mention the eye candy? oh, lord! the eye candy! of the 4 main staff in the office, 3 of the guys were hot and one was totally cute, but gay. that's a 75% margin there! that's right! i pulled the math card!

also, save the children is a pretty respectable organization. i did some research and (for you math junkies out there) 92% of every dollar goes directly to programs - only 8% overhead. that's almost unheard of in non-profit administration! so that's pretty awesome! not to mention they tackle health and nutrition, childhood and adolescent development, education and HIV/AIDS prevention. so yeah, i'm actually pretty stoked about it.

mostly i am stoked that soon there will be more variety in my dinner menu - black beans and rice, while conducive to slimming my figure, not so conducive to pleasing the palate. and let's face it, mamma likes to eat.

and drink. tonight, there is a cheap wine and poetry event going on down in capital hill. while generally not a fan of poetry readings, the show is curated which means the poets have to be at least slightly more interesting than a zach braff movie. BA-ZING!!! and did i mention dollar glasses of wine? oh god. i love seattle.

with that i leave you, your found item of the day:

serve me the sky with a big slice of lemon...

so it turns out i may actually have to lick ahem for a living. after two weeks of unsuccessful searching and a higher stress level than my body and bank account are comfortable with, it seems i must resign myself to canvassing for grassroots international and the aclu. which actually, the more i think about it, might not be that bad. i do appreciate what the aclu does and i care about the campaigns they're running, especially the effort to overturn prop eight hate in california.  so in that sense, it will feel nice to be involved. on the other, i imagine that my attempts to draw people to the cause will bear a striking resemblance to george michael bluth's attempts to draw people to the banana stand. in a word - ineffective. ten cents gets you nuts. 

with that i leave you, your found item of the day:

seriously. come visit me.

a job. it's where they hire you to work, and then they pay yo...nevermind. i don't want to ruin the surprise.

how do, pardner. things have been good here in good old sunny rainy seattle. the weather outside is brisk and forboding, and i am kinda in love with it.

other things i am in love with at the moment include people watching on the bus, discovering new vegan things to eat, and amy sedaris. being momentarily unemployed has allowed me to retreat into the wonderful world of books, wherein i stumbled upon her book, I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence. by god, that woman is a genuis. i thought it was her brother alone that held the key to my heart, but apparently, they're a sharing family. which suits me just fine. unfortunately, i spent most of the afternoon laughing loudly to myself in a quiet cafe, which incidentally is not how you go about making friends. i got the stink eye from more than a few people. to which i replied, suck it. only, i replied with less than attractive facial gestures which i am certain did not endear me to them any further. oh well. i'm inherently misanthropic anyway.

but i am hopeful i'll meet some cool people at my job. whenever i get one that is. i've been casting a wide net - everything ranging from babysitting to barista-ing to great american sandwich making. alas, alack, very limited response. i do have an interview tomorrow for the latter and am trying to think positive thoughts. even though it's only part time and requires me to work at the buttcrack of dawn, i'll take it. and if still no other wonderful opportunity presents itself, i can always canvass for greenpeace on the streets, she said, shuddering, biting her lip and trying not to cry. i think terrance put it best when he said he'd rather lick assholes for a living. which is kinda the same, when you think about it.

anyway...all these employment shenanigans aside, i am enjoying myself immensely. and while it's incredibly surreal to know that i live here now and not santa rosa, it still ends up feeling pretty good at the end of the day...movement is good...change is good. and i feel pretty happy.

but it doesn't mean that i don't miss you all either...sometimes i am on the verge of tears, but then i realize that contrary to popular belief, crying like a sissy does not win people over. and so i snap out of it, and focus instead on what amy sedaris would do. more often than not, the situation calls for excessive drinking. which at the moment, i can't say i'm opposed to. it's happy hour somewhere.

with that, i leave you...your found item of the day: