hypothermia may not be so hyperbolic.

so i know i said i'd be writing more frequently. obviously, i'm a liar, and my pants are on fire. don't look at me like that, blog reader. you knew what this was.

that said, there is really no excuse for my lack of internet correspondence. i've had plenty of time to get down to it, what with being funemployed for the last month or so. but apparently a mystery science theater 3000 marathon proved too tempting for me to resist. i'm weak. we know this. fortunately however, my netflix instant queue joyride will come to a crashing halt next monday when i start as an on-call medical assistant at holly park clinic. after tomorrow's bountiful eating and drink fest with greg and his friends, i will have to break out all my notes on child immunizations and proper sterile technique so that i may once and for all prove to be not such a bad deal for society. or at the very least, not get fired. wish me luck.

in other wish me luck news, i'm attempting to make this for friendsgiving, and i admit, i'll probably be sauced during the entire affair. but you can't really blame me - it's snowing outside and like ten degrees in our apartment. for the past three days, i've been wearing long johns, tripling on jackets and socks whilst donning scarves and mittens. INSIDE THE HOUSE (which is where the call is coming from? what? i don't know what i'm saying.) not to mention, greg started making spiced rum cider and he is a persuasive fellow, let me tell you. sure, you might be saying, "since when do you need persuading, selena?". to which i respond with a classic liz lemon eye roll and a request to pass the sailor jerry hither, if you please.

the upside of the cold however, is that it makes it feel more christmas-ey, which in turn always triggers memories of holidays past - and a reminder to be thankful for the things i have and the ones i love. i hope that you all feel similarly blessed in your lives. here's your found item of the day:

yes, yes. that's a very nice sentiment. now, if you'll excuse me, poops, i have pumpkin that needs puree-ing and cider that needs drinking.

i'm obsessed with veins.

it's true. this is what pima medical institute has done to me. five months of practicing the fine art of palpating and stabbing median cubital veins has turned me into some sort of deranged and shallow monster. i mean, the shallow part is nothing new, but i've certainly kicked up the oddness factor. seriously, i'll be checking out some cute guy and think to myself, "now, HE'S got nice veins! i'd like to CBC that! maybe throw a little pro thrombin time test in there, yeah baby!". obviously, i'm not well.

fortunately however, school is finally over, and i will soon get to put my deviant obsession to good use. but sadly not today, though i do understand. the first day of externship naturally mandates defining the pecking order, and the hours of orientation paperwork and grunt filing gently demonstrated that i am last in it. but i suppose it's good for me. it'll help build the character i so desperately lack, as will the externship site itself. working at the international district community health center, i am a lone mexican in a sea of asian women. all of whom are way skinnier than me and talk in several languages i cannot understand. the upside of course is that i'm slightly taller than at least a handful of them and thus, i am slightly more smug. which i suppose neutralizes some of the character building i was aiming for, but i accept the loss willingly.

overall, i'm pretty stoked on where things are in life right now. there's been some adjustments i've had to make lately, and i miss my friends both from home and from school. but as my second favorite minnesotan says, "it's a good day to face the hard things...each day i will try to do better, right now is where i guess i belong." (and yes, gina, that makes you my first favorite minnesotan.)

now that i have some actual breathing room, expect more disjointed rantings here in the future! huzzah! with that i leave you, your found item of the day:



true that.

ch-ch-changes...

oh, david bowie. how you speak to me.

and my current situation, which, in case you missed my subtlety, is changing. i finally got confirmation on that job offer, and put in my two weeks notice at the group home on thursday. unfortunately, my boss has been on vacation and will not get my letter until tomorrow. not. anticipating. a. good. reaction. lately she's been even more of a hot mess than her usual angry self, and this may push her over the edge. naturally, i don't want to be responsible for that, but i can't stay there. especially when my new boss is the complete opposite of her, aka, totally well adjusted and overall AWESOME! seriously, she rules. still, it's gonna be hard to leave the residents. especially since my new residents will not be dd, but rather just old and curmudgeony. but i suppose curmudgeons need love too, so...you know...i'll be nice...i guess.

in other news, my family's visit went by at light speed. how quickly time flies when you have no obligations except to eat well, drink lots and be totally pampered by your mommy. and despite the guilty weight of sheer indulgence this weekend, i needed that break desperately. school found a way to kick up the wild factor by throwing us med assistant students into the deep end of the venipuncture pool. that's right. injections and blood draws. on each other. with scant instruction. jealous much? you should be.

actually, despite the surreal nature of lab class, it's been pretty cool to know that i will someday be competent enough to actually perform these procedures in a hospital setting. provided i don't fail my lecture class. which demands that i stop dilly dallying and get back to the cardiology packet due tomorrow. so stop distracting me. please. i'm trying to make something of myself here, and i don't need your constant nay-saying, blog reader. if that even is your real name.

here's your found item of the day:

hey buddy. i'm totally your gal. minus the athletic part.

older? yes. wiser? not so much.

so some of you may be wondering how it feels to be thirty. i'll tell ya. it feels just like any other age except now when i find someone attractive who happens to be in their early twenties it makes me feel even sleazier than i did a mere 2 weeks ago. i know that age is just a number but when you categorically belong in different decades, it's a little tougher to justify the shameless oggling that i am so fond of. eh. you win some. you lose some.

all in all, my birthday was pretty solid. annie and charlie drove up from portland to join in the festivities. this naturally made me feel like a total princess and totally loved and totally grateful to have such wonderful people as friends. and aside from the tequila-induced crying session and round of hey-everyone-shut-up-and-listen-to-this-song-and-my-explanation-of-its-genius thing that occurred in the latter evening, i consider the day a win.

other things to be placed in the win category:

- i snagged myself a fancy job offer at another group home. the hours are a little less, the pay is a little more and i'd finally have my weekends back! siz-weet! the only thing i am waiting on is for my nursing assistant registration to go through. unfortunately, the department of health is taking FOREVER to process, and their customer service department is what i genuinely envision hell to be like, so here i sit in bureaucratic purgatory. anxious and not-the-least-bit-awesome bureaucratic purgatory.
- memorial day will surely compensate however. my mom and sister are coming to visit seattle for the first time ever and i'm super stoked to show them around. alas, alack. i'm facing difficulty in pinpointing places of interest to show them that don't include bars or some form of drinking. they already think i'm a lush - and while i generally skew in that direction (killian's red is on sale at the corner market! score!), i'd rather they didn't think so.
- my santa rosan friends on the other hand better prepare themselves! i touchdown in the early evening of july 2nd and don't leave til the later evening on july 5th! there will be plenty of partying down going on, and i couldn't be happier! alcoholism aside, i really just can't wait to see everyone. it's hard to be so far away - but i do love it here.still, everyone needs to get away sometimes, so i am insanely excited. it's gonna be boss. i can't wait!

hope all is well in your world! my sister beth found this found item on the streets of amsterdam - i love it.

when it's cold outside, i've got the month of may...

unless of course you're in seattle, 'cause we don't subscribe to the temptations or their crazy propaganda here! nosiree, bob! that said, may is still my favorite month of the year. sure, november's got thanksgiving and december's got that minor holiday for that guy who knew magic tricks (what? too much?), but may, MAY! has cinco de mayo, mother's day, memorial day weekend, AND george clooney's birthday! oh. and janell's. and sharon's. and andy's. but they don't really count. (LOOVVVEE YOUUUU!)

and believe it or not, may also has my birthday. despite my valiant attempts to start the rumor that i was not born but rather spawned off the coast of mexico, i feel i must now 'fess up to the truth that i came from a woman's womb, just like everyone else. how pathetic.

i generally spend my birthday attempting to drink myself into oblivion, and this year, on the thirtieth anniversary of the day god forgot, i will strive to be no different. i suppose some would say that because it's the big three-oh, i should try to demonstrate restraint, but liver-decimating debauchery has worked out pretty well for me thus far, so why mess with a good thing?

still, i must admit i've been feeling slightly mid-life crisis-ey lately. i learned recently that the body automatically starts to decline around 28, and being two years out from there is not helping to soothe my currently rampaging biological clock. i mean, seriously. it is out. of. control. i babysit two insanely adorable two year old twin boys weekly, and when we go to the park and see all the families, it is downright torturous. my heart practically falls out of my chest when they run to hug me after they've shown the slide who's boss. but here's the kicker: MY BRAIN AND I DON'T WANT A CHILD! and i definitely don't want to push one out! so it's not like i'm out there trolling for seed or anything. but my body's in denial like a has-been football player saying, "put me in coach! i know i can do it!" after twenty nine years, my body's become brett farve. this is what it's come to. sigh. somebody pass the tequila.

here's your found item of the day: classy.

forgive me sun...

for thinking your presence today would signal the beginning of shorts and t-shirts season. clearly, the goosebumps and lip chattering were evidence that i was sorely mistaken. i guess this means my aspirations to become the greatest meteorologist of our time may have been a bit misguided. pity.

not that i have the time to pursue such a rip roaring endeavor in the first place. my schedule continues to be insane with little time to myself, hence the absence of witty witticisms usually displayed here. but absent no more! tonight! tonight, i give the people what they want! (but selena, no one asked you to writ- SILENCE! i will not tolerate your insolence!) ahem.

other than studying medical insurance and coding for the last two weeks (with another three ahead of me), school's been pretty kick ass. i'm finally starting to make friends with my classmates and i didn't even have to pay them, so that's a win. turns out they like drinking just as much as i do, and as we all know, nothing says lasting friendship like being wasted and declaring friends forever with people you've known for two months. seriously though, it's been a pretty great experience and in particular, i feel as though i've found a kindred spirit in my classmate lauren. sweet as a button and a fellow lover of arrested development, she totally meets the santa rosa gold standard.

speaking of which, holy crap, it's still surreal that i left. seems like just yesterday i was attempting to load up the budget truck, fighting off an insane hangover from the whiskydrunk mustache bash, while being plagued by bouts of intermittent crying. and now here i am, in a new city, fighting off insane hangovers from drinking with greg, still being plagued by bouts of intermittent crying. how the world turns, my friends. how the world turns.

anyway, i have more to say, but it's late and you've done your duty by reading thus far, so i'll pause for now. here is your found item of the day: how i long, LONG to meet this guy...

clean up your mess or santa will cancel christmas.

this is the new parenting approach i am taking to the children i did not push out of my womb but still have minimal responsibility for as the sunday morning church nursery attendant. if that doesn't work, i'll simply introduce them to catholic guilt, and they'll be ship shape in no time.

megan and dani's visit was incredible, or incre-eeeeblay, as those silly spaniards would say. it was a rollicking good time that included copious amounts of vegan food, beer, and debauchery. not to mention, a little naptime thrown in. truly, an ideal vacation and one that took a while to recover from. if not for the pesky demands of work, school and moving, i would probably still be in the fetal position, crying out for someone to fetch me vegan waffles, and then crying some more when none came. in my defense, there's really very little that can beat a good vegan waffle.

living with greg though happens to be one such thing. we applied for and got that box masquerading as an apartment in mid february, and have been happily cohabitating ever since. despite the fact that my view of the cascades is now a view of a brick wall, and despite the fact that said brick wall is part of the gay dance club next door that plays shitty techno until two in the morning, i love living there. it takes me literally (LIT-TRALLY) thirty seconds to walk to stumptown coffee or any of the four bars around the corner. this of course is not the least bit conducive to my fake attempts to quit caffeine and drinking, but i'm willing to suffer the consequences because greg is a kick ass roommate. he brings me coffee in the morning and i bring him beer at night and straighten his towel on the towel bar so it has a chance to dry out. a match made in heaven if you ask me. which you totally did.

also a perfect match - me and my anatomy and physiology class. i started at PIMA last week, and while all of it is pretty awesome, a & p is winning by leaps and bounds, which just confirms that the medical field is the right place for me. and while school is going to definitively kick my ass and mop the floor with it, it's SO wonderful to be challenged again and to know that once i successfully complete the requirements of the program, i will be working at a place that will treat me as a valued employee and compensate me as such. which is a crazy thing to expect of your employer, i know, but i'm a wild card, as you know. a loose canon. a rogue. there's no telling what kind of shenanigans i'll get us into. you stick with me kid, and we'll go places. like to the library. as in right now. seriously, i've got a stack of homework packets that won't finish themselves, so get your stuff and let's go. no? no? you're staying here? fine. but you'll never go anywhere with a quitter attitude like that.

here's your found item of the day:



this was found in a parking lot apparently. bobby is an uncaring bastard.

a dream deferred...

gather round y'all cause i'm only gonna say it once. quit leaving toast crumbs in the fake butter tub! it's gross. looks like dead ants in there, and dead ants, whether real or imagined, do not belong in fake butter tubs or any other food container. that is all i have to say on that matter.

in other more pressing matters, it appears that i will not be working towards my radiographer degree this spring. instead i will be working towards my medical assistant certificate. why the drastic change in professional goals? well, short story made incredibly long: money. benjamins. scrill. stacks. dinero. greenbacks. that legal tender perpetually out of my reach: the once mighty - but now just taunting me with its former superiority - u.s. dollar. i don't have enough of it, and without any rich relatives in my family tree, i've been relegated from first class seating on the express train to success - to sharing a handcar with that guy with the villainous mustache. i shouldn't judge - he's actually very nice and even brought me a pie once. name's thompson, he's a good guy. you should meet him.

anyway, i am actually very excited about the prospect of returning to school. i start march first, so my non-existent social life will not exist even more as i will be attending full time and working full time. while i still want to be involved in the gory glory that is x-ray teching, i think the m.a. program will be diverse enough to keep my interest, and will also give me a leg up in getting into a radiography program in the future. certainly, work as a medical assistant is a step up financially from what i'm doing. and knowing i'll only have to be at the group home for eight more months instead of two years, well, that's a sigh of relief and a much more manageable goal.

continuing the exciting news trend, my friend greg and i are looking for apartments. we applied for one right in the heart of capitol hill and should hear back by wednesday or so. it's essentially a box but greg and i like to refer to it as cozy. very, very cozy. my lease isn't up until april but if we can find a place by march, it'll give me plenty of time to slack off until the last weekend before when i will be frantically packing, cursing my procrastinating ways. send us your positive thoughts!

and lastly, my most favorite positive thought: megan and dani will be up to visit next weekend!! it'll be the ultimate romantic get away for three friends who are madly in love with each other. platonically, that is. strictly, platonically. i'll be sure to update you on our crazy adventures - if i'm still left standing. seattle's not gonna know what hit it, it's going to be OUT OF CONTROL!!!

with that i leave you your found item of the day:

triumphantly going where everyone and their mother has already gone before...

into the land of plenty - the magical land of netbooks!

ok, so i was late in the game in terms of getting a personal computer. actually, that's not true. i had one back when i started college but it took a massive dump in the midst of fulfilling my similarly massive dream of downloading every song ever created in the history of forever. as you can imagine, my heart was crushed. and, as it turns out, so was my hard drive. for the next eight years or so, i would beg, borrow and steal (hey! it was for like a second! and i gave it back!) my way through the tawdry world of other people's computers and other people's itunes libraries. all this effort - only to find my soul empty at the end of every day. it just didn't feel real, you know? it felt like i was pretending. which i totally was cause i didn't pay for those computers and i sure as hell did not put the entire boys II men anthology into that library, ahem, terrance. but judgements aside, i must impart gratitude to where kindness was extended. if i harassed you over the years, thank you, i love you and seriously, terrance. it's twenty ten...let it go.

and so as i prepare to step off this precipice into a sea of telecommunicative ability, i must remember that with great power comes great responsibility. i will do my best to write frequently and to contribute thoughts of a classy nature. and if i can't stick to the high brow stuff, i'll at least vow to make my posts entertaining. and if i can't actually make time to post anything, i hope you'll be comforted in the thought that it's probably because i was too busy catching up on episodes of it's always sunny on hulu. i know i'll be comforted at least.

with that, i leave you your found item of the day:

i want a valentine like this.

reason #197 why i love seattle:

because when you finally have a day off and it's perpetually cloudy and rainy outside, staying in bed, watching movies and drinking coffee is a perfectly acceptable way to spend it. whether or not watching sleepless in seattle while in fact in seattle is acceptable - well, that is an entirely different matter but i'm willing to take the risk. don't look at me like that. rosie o'donnell's role as meg ryan's sassy but suppportive friend is downright shakespearean. there i said it. 

the main reason i'm laying low on my day off is because of the debilitating pain i'm in. three months of idleness came to a crashing end this past saturday with three hours of basketball. and while i consider myself the muggsy bogues of women's street ball, my body clearly does not agree. also, i'm not that good. as a result, i can't even sneeze without my eyes watering, and laughing is quite out of the question. i've never felt so old before. if this is indicative of my life at seventy, then no thank you. i'll take a cougar cruise at sixty and be done with it.

the upside to engaging in activities far beyond my actual ability is that i'm branching out and meeting new people. after all, it seems only appropriate that i attempt to you know, actually live here. so, in addition to basketball saturdays, i will also have volunteer wednesdays at the local soup kitchen. and if i play my cards right, getting lucky fridays. what? i didn't say that. 

  with that hanging awkwardly in the air, i leave you with your found item of the day:   

damn, it feels good to be a gangsta...

ok. so i'm pretty sure gangstas don't eat delicious vegan cinnamon rolls for breakfast or go for solitary walks in the rain, practicing russian on their iphones. but some might. and to them i say, спасибо. пожалуйста не убивайте меня. which of course means, thank you. please don't kill me.

so far, twenty ten has been awesome. in addition to the kick ass morning i had, in the scant four days of this new year, i've managed to do the following: create a realistic budget for my finances, get paid and pay off some debt, sign up for a swimming pass at the community pool, write some new riffs on the piano, roll multiple yatzhees and speed read tolstoy's war and peace. ok. so the last one was a lie. but i did roll multiple yatzhees, so suck it. and i do feel pretty damn productive.

but mostly, i feel free. it occurred to me the other day while riding the bus (and attempting to ignore the vagrant that was so blatantly JUST STARING at me WHILE DRINKING RUM OPENLY), that for the first time since 2006, i don't have feelings for anyone. my heart is not aching. it does not feel crushed, it does not feel alone. it feels quite simply, fucking fantastic. seriously. i don't owe anyone a damn thing, and no one has a piece of me. this, combined with the liberties of my favorite city, makes me feel downright untouchable. i'm right back to that new year's picture of aught six, where i am alone, wearing a black shirt and blue tie, drunk and blurry, lighting a cigarette with a purple flame. i'm back to being me, back to being completely independent. and that, my friends, is what makes me gangsta.

here's hoping this year brings you that feeling too. and happy birthday, jinxy! momma loves you! here's your found item of the day:

people after my own heart.