when it's cold outside, i've got the month of may...

unless of course you're in seattle, 'cause we don't subscribe to the temptations or their crazy propaganda here! nosiree, bob! that said, may is still my favorite month of the year. sure, november's got thanksgiving and december's got that minor holiday for that guy who knew magic tricks (what? too much?), but may, MAY! has cinco de mayo, mother's day, memorial day weekend, AND george clooney's birthday! oh. and janell's. and sharon's. and andy's. but they don't really count. (LOOVVVEE YOUUUU!)

and believe it or not, may also has my birthday. despite my valiant attempts to start the rumor that i was not born but rather spawned off the coast of mexico, i feel i must now 'fess up to the truth that i came from a woman's womb, just like everyone else. how pathetic.

i generally spend my birthday attempting to drink myself into oblivion, and this year, on the thirtieth anniversary of the day god forgot, i will strive to be no different. i suppose some would say that because it's the big three-oh, i should try to demonstrate restraint, but liver-decimating debauchery has worked out pretty well for me thus far, so why mess with a good thing?

still, i must admit i've been feeling slightly mid-life crisis-ey lately. i learned recently that the body automatically starts to decline around 28, and being two years out from there is not helping to soothe my currently rampaging biological clock. i mean, seriously. it is out. of. control. i babysit two insanely adorable two year old twin boys weekly, and when we go to the park and see all the families, it is downright torturous. my heart practically falls out of my chest when they run to hug me after they've shown the slide who's boss. but here's the kicker: MY BRAIN AND I DON'T WANT A CHILD! and i definitely don't want to push one out! so it's not like i'm out there trolling for seed or anything. but my body's in denial like a has-been football player saying, "put me in coach! i know i can do it!" after twenty nine years, my body's become brett farve. this is what it's come to. sigh. somebody pass the tequila.

here's your found item of the day: classy.