happy new year!

good afternoon america, i come to you live from the portland bound amtrak 513 train, car 6, seat 8 where we are counting down the hours until the new year's eve ball drop! what's that? oh yes, i see. i'm sorry, i'm being told that we are not actually doing the new year's eve countdown but rather the when-can-i-get-off-this-effing-train countdown. only two and a half more hours of cramped legs and screaming children to go, back to you in the studio, bob!

to be honest, it's better than i thought, though i would have preferred not to have the aisle seat. no, no, old man. by all means, you take the window. don't be silly, i don't mind getting up every five minutes that you discover you want something out of your bag in the overhead area. it's fine, take your time. anyway, it'll all be worth it when i arrive in portland because i will be spending the new year with annie (or wantonio as she prefers to be called, trust me). as i recall, wantonio owes me a kiss at midnight from a botched new year's promise like 6 years ago. though i won't hold her to it as i was the one who did the botching. and she has a boyfriend. so. there's that.

and there's this: a riddle! what has two thumbs, frequently butchers the french language for sport and received a seahawks toaster for christmas? c'est moi! and while it doesn't quite work just yet, i think it will simply be a matter of time before i will be eating seahawks logo imprinted toast until my heart's content. unfortunately, i just joined a gym so the seahawks logo imprinted toast will be limited to special occasions only - bar mitvahs, job promotions, new episodes of revenge and the like. when i started 2011, i was fairly committed to a workout routine but by march was easily derailed by um, everything. so sadly, my waistline has grown considerably. but this year. THIS YEAR! will be the year that i finally do something about it. to ensure that this resolution will be different from the last 20 or so years i've said the same damn thing, i've decided to embrace my fat side and have even named her "tubby". in this way, i've created a sort of imaginary workout buddy. when i'm tired and want to quit halfway through a body pump class, i'll remember tubby and know that i can't let her down. and when tubby doesn't want to go to the gym, i'll say, "come along, tubby. we've got work to do!". it's a plan so crazy, it just might work. and if not, there's always next year. come along, tubby.

here's your found item of the day: